29/6/2008

It has been a truly long time I didn’t post a blog. For these months, I’ve been through ups and downs in my life. Completing a course and splitting with friends are kind of nasty for me. Anyhow, on the graduation day, I admit that I did cry and my tears are like river dropping down frenziedly. The rationale I cry is I have chosen as one of the composer and producer. That’s probably the max out of the show for me. Due to time constraints, we were left in the lurch to have try-out and so on. It’s a bit rush for me. The centerpiece of the show was my family were there giving me supports. It’s the first and foremost in my life they actually attend my performance. I do miss my friends on the other hand. They are the best buddy ever; they have the intrinsic natural beauty make them unlike those arrogant ones. Few days ago, I received a call from the recording company stated that they wanted to offer me a half year contract of performing. Alas, within these few months, trials and SPM are awaiting me. Hopefully all these good news could woo my spirit up to face all the problems. Break a leg everyone!!!

Desperate Life...

It has really been a rough moment for me to understand what’s in the region of me. The situation changed when I’ve became more tetchy and perhaps, foolish. The topic that I’m having in school is all about examination. It seems to haunt me so badly and it does leave some impact for me. I try really hard to control my temper but alas, it doesn’t help. Everyday I seem to be very frantic on doing something where the fact is I’m not that ‘desperate’. Notwithstanding I’m not so ‘desperate’, but my brain keeps telling me that I’m totally distressed to get things done in seconds. I have had enough of it!!!

WAKE UP!!!

我是爱情里的大输者，而且是输得彻底。。。

看着你离开的背影，我仿佛像失去了控制似的狂流泪。哭了好几天，才慢慢的平复那澎湃汹涌的心情。我逼自己不去想你，不再和你有任何关系，好想干脆和你一刀两断。和你走了那么远的路，你竟可以二话不说狠狠的把我抛下在一条孤单的路。我，傻傻的，在等你出现。我相信你会回来和我一起完成这条难堪的路。看见人来人往的一条街，始终盼不了你的身影。在这条路上，看到五彩的人生 － 欢喜，悲伤。。。我渐渐的发现，他的心，永远永远不会是我的。开始的时候，我就应该察觉到这点，不该在过后才明白。可惜在我领悟的当时，他，已离开我了。为他放弃了种种梦想，放弃了自己的一切。做的每一间事情都是为他着想。无能为力的，他还是放不下从前。我，也那么的失败 － 不单输了给自己，也输了给他的回忆录。。。艺人张柏芝说的：“我是爱情里的大输者”，而我，是输得彻底。。。

17th of April

“Do you still remember our rendezvous on 17th of April?” I said. Unfortunately, the answer I got from you isn’t what I’m looking for. Yes, you did remember. The con is you can’t make it for me anymore. I think you really do forget it’s my birthday. I don’t put the blame on you because astatically, we have no relationship but friends only. I’m holding my phone and at the sixes and sevens whether I should message you today. I don’t wish to awake and find there’s no body next to me.

Guess that on my coming birthday, its going to be the type of morning that I have really grown to deplore – grey, dismal, cold and alone. These few days I am hoping I could receive a message from you, but it seems I’m barking up the wrong tree. Everyday when I’m home, I’ll get my phone on without more ado to check whether is there any messages from you. And I always turn myself down.

Perhaps it’s a huge dream for me to make all these reality. Days without you are really harsh for me. I’ve used with hearing your voice everyday, message you and getting cheer up by you. As you’ve gone, my life is being so vacantly, so heartache. No matter how hard I try, you don’t give me a damn. What makes our acquaintance, our faith to break such effortlessly?

Anyhow, I’m still waiting you to be in my birthday. Would you be there for me?

你给的依靠，我放不掉，你给的微笑，还在嘴角...

听着石欣卉的<<你给的>>，真的让我对自己和他有了另一番的感触。歌里唱着的“你给的依靠，我放不掉，你给的微笑，还在嘴角”真的触动我的心。好久没听到一首能让我为他而流泪的歌了。这次，的确地让我对爱情掀起了涟漪，掀起了回忆。想回我和他第一次牵手的时候，那一丝的信任，把世界任何东西都比了下去。我和他互望的眼神，好坚定，好安定。尤其是他的微笑，让我好难忘。其实我早已该知道他从不爱我，他，也不属于我的。我不了解为什么还要横冲直幢的冒险，不明白为什么每一次要被伤害后，自己才肯醒过来。。。好累，真的好累。我，很爱你，很想你。我心里的话，你，可曾知道吗？

“你给的依靠，我放不掉，你给的微笑，还在嘴角,你会看到，我的改变有多少。。。”依然在耳边回响着。。。

三月二十三日

三月二十三日，我和他，终于分手了。。。我不知道我们之间到底发生了什么事情，但他的执着，让我明白，他，不属于我。他和我的回忆还是像心跳那么难忘。。。要我把他忘了的话，那倒不如干脆杀死我好了。他在我脑海中，会是永远永远地刻在那里。和他度过的每一刻，都是开心的。但开心的痕迹渐渐散去，来问候我的，却是一次又一次的失望和疼痛。。。别再叫我谈恋爱了，就算过了一年，一世，一辈子，我的心还是属于他的。他占居的，是我的全部。所以我，再也容纳不下任何人。。。看着他的照片，回想起我们的曾经，我，好痛好痛。。。你那湿厚的唇吻，你那温柔的手，你身上那股让我思恋不已的味道。。。。。。

难道把我狠狠的丢下，让我和寂寞伤痛打交道是你的责任吗？难道玩弄我的心，给我一丝丝的甜蜜后，再把我打入冷宫是你的主旨吗？难道要看见我生不如死，悲痛不已的情形，你才心满意足吗？我想你永远都不会知道我有多么爱你，我就像在奢求你的施舍般，只要你给我一点甜言蜜语，我就会无可自拔的继续爱你。但我站在爱情回忆，这条不堪回首的路途回头看时，发现我付出的爱，得来的回报却是这些痛苦的记忆。。。

你曾经对我说过你爱我一辈子，那现在又算什么呢？说不成你的一辈子只是那短暂的时光吗？说不成你的爱，只是一场在摆布我的游戏吗？我的心，被你整的好不脆弱。缘分，就这样被你的一句话，割断了；爱情，就这样被你的一句话，搁浅了。我现在才明白，或许嫦儿和吴刚被分隔两地，他们才会互相珍惜这份爱情，这份缘分。

是我活该吗？还是我不属于爱情的一分子？我们原是站在天枰的两端 － 你，选择了要不平衡的天枰，而离开了天枰的世界；我，却依然傻呆呆的等着你回来，抱着对你说：“你，是我的一辈子”。。。。。。

So Close...

A movie I watched entitled “Enchanted” was a terrific one. Although it sounds unfeasible for a 21st century human beings to own a fairy-tale-love-story, yet I hold on the belief. The scene I like the most is during Patrick dancing with Amy with the song “So Close” sang by Jon McLaughlin. The words of the song are really carrying great weight and touch my heart deeply. With the belief I’m holding now, I present the lyrics of this song to a person who I love very much.

You're in my arms

And all the world is calm

The music playing on for only two

So close together

And when I'm with you

So close to feeling alive

A life goes byRomantic dreams will stop

So I bid mine goodbye and never knew

So close was waiting, waiting here with you

And now forever I know

All that I wanted to hold you

So close

So close to reaching that famous happy end

Almost believing this was not pretend

And now you're beside me and look how far we've come

So far we are so close

How could I face the faceless days

If I should lose you now?

We're so close

To reaching that famous happy end

And almost believing this was not pretend

Let's go on dreaming for we know we are

So close

So close

And still so far...